IKEA OFFERS KOSHER AND HALLEL CERTIFIED CINNABONS TO ATTRACT JEWISH AND MUSLIM CUSTOMERS AWAY FROM JORDANS

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IKEA now offers Jewish and Muslim customers Kosher and Hallel certified cinnabons in order to attract them away from Jordan’s Furniture store that opened down the street in New Haven.  The cinnabons are not actually manufactured by IKEA.  The cinnabons are pre-made by Pillsbury.  They come in a box that is stamped with OU and dairy kosher symbols.  The cinnabons are cooked in ovens that cook nothing but cinnabons.  A Jewish employee named “Yaacov” turns on the oven every morning.  The cinnabons rest on kosher certified wax paper which is spread on top of metal trays that are used only for cinnabons.  The cinnabons have met the strictest kosher and Hallel requirements.  Local Iman Mohammed Mendel of the Moschiach Mosque located at 770 Crown Street in New Haven has given the cinnabons his stamp of approval and told Daily News Mobile, “These cinnabons taste better than the cinnabons I ate in Mecca.”  The cinnabons have been certified kosher by the local rabbinical agency, the EPDP-VAAD of New Haven.  Rabbi Shaygetz of the EPDP-VAAD was quoted as saying, “These cinnabons go great with a kosher pizza from Edge of the Hood.  I have been feeding them to my goats.  My goats love them.  That means a lot because my goats are very finicky eaters.”  Only time will tell if the cinnabons will attract Jewish and Muslim customers away from IKEA.  A secret IKEA memo leaked to Daily News Mobile says that IKEA’s marketing department conducted surveys and determined that most Jewish customers would rather sit and eat cinnabons than climb rocks at Jordan’s.  The survey also found that most Muslims come from very flat countries in the Middle East and would be afraid to climb rocks at Jordan’s.  IKEA is hoping that this new marketing strategy will force Jews and Muslims to eat together at IKEA and break barriers.  Just as Starbucks wrote “race together” on their coffee cups to get baristas to talk about race, IKEA is planning to offer a free cup of coffee with each cinnabon and write, “pray together” on each coffee cup.  IKEA will encourage its employees to talk about monotheism to customers.  IKEA hopes its new marketing campaign will lead to peace in the Middle East.  Daily News Mobile contacted New Haven’s Mayor Toni Harp and asked her what she thought about IKEA’s new marketing strategy.  The Mayor said that she was not a big fan of cinnabuns.  She told Daily News Mobile, “I like to eat at Mama Mary’s Soulfood or D’Amato’s Southern fried fish across the street on Whalley Avenue.  I think cinnabuns are boring and bland, the typical food that White people eat.”

 

 

 

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