Ever wonder why you shiver when you pee? Scientists uncover explaination

peeBowinhart University – Have you ever experienced a brief and tremulous shiver when you pee? Doctor Johnstone of Bowinhart Univeristy certainly has. He is the lead researcher in a team of many at the Anthropology department at Bowinhart university, and he has coined the term “pee-shivers” to describe the shaky phenomenon. “Many people” Johnstone said, “report an inexplicable shivering spell while peeing.” Johnstone, having experienced the shivers himself, was intrigued by the shivers and recently conducted a massive study to identify the key factors that cause pee shivers. In his study, Johnstone observed the peeing mechanisms of tree monkeys, and discovered new promising evidence that can lay this issue to rest. “As you know,” Johnstone said, “humans come from the tree monkeys, that is, our ancestors used to live in trees. Most people don’t think about the immense ramifications that tree living has on daily living. When a tree monkey has to pee, he has to lean over a branch and pees off of his tree as though the outside world is one big urinal. Our ancestors did the same. What we found is that, more often then not, tree monkeys lose their balance, and have to catch themselves to avoid falling. They catch themselves through a vigorous jolting, similar to the way we would catch ourselves if we were about to fall. My theory is that our pee shivering is due to that process. Over the years, we have maintained the shakiness that we used to experience when we were tree people, peeing off of trees. The stimulation we feel is merely the echo of our ancestry from hundreds of thousands of years ago.”  Johnstones full account can be found on the Bowinhart university Anthropology website.

  • Staff reports

Man gets hit by dodge truck, attorneys argue that the logo warned him

john stewartJackson, MI – Tony Stewart, pictured above, is known to be a chronic J- walker. He has various citations against him, and his next offense will result in an arrest. On Monday morning, Stewart was crossing a cross walk when he was suddenly thrust-ed thirty feet into the street after being hit by a Dodge Hemi. The man who was driving the truck, Bill Regan, claimed that Stewart was J- walking.With a record like Stewart’s, it is easy to believe that he was J- walking, however, traffic cameras show that Stewart had the right of way. Left with a decomposing argument, and very little money, Regan hired one of Mississippi’s shadiest Lawyers, Tom Bronson. This morning, Bronson released a statement that pertains to the argument he is going to be using in defense of Regan: “My client’s truck has bold letters embossed on the front of his vehicle. Those letters read ‘Dodge’. Yes, it is an expression of the manufacturer, however, suffice it to say, Stewart saw the word ‘Dodge’ and decided to stay in place regardless. The logo can also be taken as a command, dodge the truck if it is going to fast. Thank you”

The argument is not boding well in court, and has received vast criticism, most comical, from attorneys all over America.

-Staff