Whether or not you currently have a sex partner, everyone will agree that there are benefits and disadvantages for both summer sex and winter sex. Here is a list of the 10 crucial differences between summer sex and winter sex.
1. Summer sex is hot, literally, and sticky.
Summer sex is like sliding across hot leather car seats in the back of a reckless taxi. Its very uncomfortable, and when you arrive at your destination you have to peel your skin off the seats.
2. If you don’t drink Gatorade before summer sex, you will pass out
Much like a middle school soccer game, you can’t perform without your electrolytes. Summer sex is a workout, in other words, lifting weights without gloves will give you blisters, and so can summer sex.
3. Summer sex requires two showers and a laundry run
The first shower is taken beforehand. This shower insures the cleanliness of both individuals participating. The second shower is taken afterwards just to wash off the rancid smell of hormonal discharge. After the showering it is advisable to wash your sheets as well. Pro Tip: Shower sex does not require two showers, or a laundry run.
4. Hot weather increases violence
Somewhere in the human psyche we have learned to become more aggressive in the hot weather. Shootings go up in hot weather, crime goes up in hot weather, even bank fraud goes up in hot weather. Sex is no exception. Don’t be surprised if your partner tends to be more aggressive in bed during the summer months. Pro Tip: Don’t eat anything heavy before summer sex.
5. Positioning is everything
Everybody likes to be on bottom, but during the summer the bottom can be a pretty musty place. Be sure to get dibbs on top this summer season. Pro Tip: Position yourself in front of the nearest AC
6. Winter sex is cozy
After having winter sex there are plenty of cozy things you and your partner can do. You can drink hot cocoa or lay under the covers together. You can have long conversations about life and philosophy. Enjoy the coziness of the indoors.
7. Enjoy Christmas themed innuendos during winter sex
“I’ll stuff your stocking” “I’m bouta go Christmas Ham” “Tiny Tim aint so tiny right now”
8. The winter season has so many oppertunities
Its the New Year! Lets have sex. Its Christmas! Lets have sex. Its Hannukah! lets have sex.
9. Winter sex boosts confidence
Most people are insecure about putting on a few pounds during the winter season. A good way to solve this insecurity is by having sex with someone. If someone is willing to have sex with you, you’re probably not as bad looking as you thought.
10. Winter sex is easily accessible
Winter sex is easy to get. Join a caroling group, visit the houses of the people you want to have sex with, and serenade them with your beautiful voice. Its a guarantee.